its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
