he wants to bone in the snuggie
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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