win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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