I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This is the high leading the old right now
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
