the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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