Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
