Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
