Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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