im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Sober January is a disaster.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
