Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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