I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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