yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
