I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I wear drunk well.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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