so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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