I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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