which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
