***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
