I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
FUCK WHALES
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
