so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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