id be glad to
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
