i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
