You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
