you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
That accounts for only three of the penises
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
