Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
