She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
well most of my day revolves around power hour
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
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