i don't like sucking hair
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
