bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She is in my trunk
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize