I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
