I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
