Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
