he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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