East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So much Jack, so little girl.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
