I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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