a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
