So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
