I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
