I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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