We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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