I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground