Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
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Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS