After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
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She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
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As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.