I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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