Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.