shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn