His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
