Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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