I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
