i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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