you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
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He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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