Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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