Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
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It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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