FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We named our party play list daddy issues
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
