What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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