i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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