This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
