Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
