Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
