He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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