She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
