"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
