The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
