I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
