I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
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your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
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Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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