remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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