yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
