Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
