On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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