You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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