your thong is hanging out like whoa
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
