I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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