my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Terrible idea I love it
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize