Plan B is the new Plan A
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
