No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
