this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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