This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
