But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
