This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
no more duck duck goose at the bar
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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