I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
