can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
