I hate all girls vehemently.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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